In Sickness and In Health.

There is a video called, “Blind Devotion,” created by Jubilee Project Short Films that portrays a happily married couple. It begins from the wife’s perspective and explains all the little things she does to show her love. As it progresses, the wife starts to go blind; she begins to feel like a burden and questions whether or not her husband would be better off with someone else. She pushes her devoted husband away and does everything she can to continue her independent lifestyle. 

Later in the video, we see it from the husband’s point of view. At first it shows him confused; he wants to help and do everything he can but she won’t let him. He begins to demonstrate his love in other, less obvious ways, making her life easier and safer along the way. The wife insists in commuting to work by herself despite her disability. Because of this, he follows her to work and ensures that she arrives safely with her being none the wiser. The husband says, “That’s what true love is, right? It’s more than just a feeling; It’s an action.”

My description doesn’t do it justice; I would recommend watching it for yourself to really feel the emotion and understand both sides. The feelings that the wife felt because of her trial is something I can relate to a little too well. At around thirteen years old, I realized that I had eating disorders and have struggled with them since. They have altered the way I view my body and the way I believe others view me as well. Because of them, I have days where I feel worthless, unlovable, and ugly. I don’t want Sappy to comfort me, I don’t want him to touch me, and I don’t want him to tell me I’m beautiful. It overwhelms me and I end up pushing away because my head tells me that he couldn’t possibly love me when I’m like this. 

It has made me believe that if I gain any weight, he will stop loving me. If I show any weakness and lack of self control, he will decide he’s had enough. It is a terrifying thing and it has brought much heartache. There are times when I’m sure he’s fed up with it and me. There are days when I know for a fact he would rather be anywhere else except with me. There are situations where I believe with my whole heart that he wants to tell me to “just get over it!”

Except I’m wrong every time. Every time he is waiting for when I’m ready to be comforted, held, and told that I’m loved. Sappy is always looking for ways to help me see myself as he sees me. He shows his unconditional love and tells me that I could weigh 300 pounds and he would feel the same, I could be covered in cellulite and he would feel the same, or I could have stretch marks and he WOULD FEEL THE SAME. 

This blows my mind, yet little by little he helps me believe it. Sappy not only expresses these thoughts and feelings, but also proves them. He doesn’t prove it in some big gesture, but rather lots of little actions. It’s confirmed through the way he looks at me or hugs me tight, especially when I’m having hard days. This is blind devotion.

Even though he sees EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FLAWS, he loves every part of me. Even though I have days where it feels like my head is a mess and I should be put in a freakin mental hospital, he loves me to Pluto and back. Even though I may be bawling my eyes out because of how I feel, or having a panic attack because I can’t handle myself or my life, or mess up and say something hurtful, or show some other flaw, Sappy loves every single tiny, tiny thing about me.

It has been the most terrifying thing, but also the best thing I could possibly ask for. This is what I think of when I hear “In sickness and in health.” It is easy for me to know that I will love Sappy no matter what trials he or we face. It is much harder to believe that he would do the same for me. Gradually he causes me see his sincere devotion and I love him for it. God has given me the best man out there to take care of me for eternity. I love him with all my heart and  he proves time and time again that he feels the same. 

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