After some people get out of relationships, they say, “I need time to find myself again.” I’ve always thought it was interesting that they feel like they lose themselves while they are building a new relationship. It isn’t supposed to be that way. It isn’t 1 – 1 = 1.0, the goal should be 1 + 1 = 1.0 (One point oh). If one, or both, people feel like they are losing who they are as a person, that won’t strengthen them; it will drive them apart. When one person is progressing, they shouldn’t leave the other to fend for themselves. In order to have a strong relationship, it is necessary for both people to be moving forward, whether by themselves or by leaning on their partner.
A relationship is exactly that: a ship. The boat you are in is meant for two people to run and manage, not one person to work on while the other complains or tears the sails down.
Imagine that while you’re single, you have your own boat to sail. Everyone has their own boat, and when two people come together they take parts from their own boat and build a new and better one. If you feel like you have a broken boat, keep in mind that there are still some pieces that are perfect for someone else and that someone you will love has parts that you absolutely need. No one is perfect, but together you can get darn close to it.
This new boat is one for two, and each person needs to tend to it, make adjustments, add new parts, or make repairs. Sometimes all you will be able to handle is one sail while your significant other manages the rest. If you only have to strength to do that, at least you have the strength to help it sail forward. If all you can manage is the rudder, at least you have the strength to steer. Then when you can do more, both of you can get back to working on more parts together, but you will know the rudder or the sail way more than you did before and your relationship will blossom.
Sappy explains the really bad math perfectly. 1 + 1 = 1.0 because two wholes who work together, achieved a better and more complete whole. There have been many people who have commented on the fact that Sappy and I complete each other. But what in the world does that mean? It means that my strengths are his weaknesses and vice versa. In an area that I struggle with, he excels, yet instead of flaunting it he helps me progress and builds up that shortcoming. We constantly switch rolls of responsibility and strength, which ensures that no one person feels used or like they are putting in all the effort while the other is slacking.
In all honesty, relationships are not easy to keep together. It requires effort and constant looking out for each other, but everything is worth it when you see all of the parts come together. I love what Salty and I have built together. When we get married in 5 weeks, we will continue to add new parts and spend time making a new world together. Find someone who has vision and heart. Find someone who is willing to work hard. Find someone who cares about you and wants your future to be brighter. I have found that, and I feel like Salty would say the same thing albeit in a less sappy way.
Like Sappy said above, you need hard work and need to be willing to continue building together. On top of that, it is so important to find someone who will lift you up when you feel like you’re too low to keep pushing forward. Sappy has done this countless time; he helps me improve in more ways than I thought was possible. Find someone to lift you not leave you.