I have never been a fan of those girls or guys who respond with, “No, I’m not,” or, “That’s not true. Stop Lying,” when they are complimented. I never understood why they didn’t just say a simple, “Thank you!” instead of rejecting it. C’mon! It isn’t that hard.
Ok. That was before I turned into one when I started dating Sappy. I have always been a huge advocate for people accepting a compliment and maybe even returning it, if they feel the desire. However, I felt myself turning into someone who would always say, “No, stop lying,” or just plain laughing when Sappy would tell me how beautiful I looked. I started realizing how unfair it was to him to always have his beliefs and kind words thrown away without a second thought.
Imagine that you are really passionate about something like God and know that he is real and hears your prayers. Now, think about how you would feel if you were telling someone you loved about your passion. You tell them how much you know this to be true. You tell them that you are reminded everyday that their beliefs are sound, and you tell them that you are blessed to have this knowledge. As you finish expressing how you feel, the person you love laughs, says you’re wrong and changes the subject. I don’t know about you, but that would be pretty hard to hear. It would break my heart that someone I hold so dear would throw away my words so easily. It would also make me less inclined to say something like that again; afraid to be shot down once more.
It’s the same concept for when your loved one compliments you. They are most likely going outside of their comfort zone to let you know that they noticed how beautiful you are or how good your shirt looks. They wouldn’t be telling you this if they didn’t believe it! If you keep telling them,”No,” or just change the subject, they will assume you don’t like that and will stop telling you. Do you really want that? To never know if the person you love thinks you look beautiful today? Or sexy in that dress? That sounds far worse than accepting something you may not believe in that moment.
After the first week or so of our relationship, but before the one month mark, I realized that I had started doing that every time Sappy complimented me. I also noticed that once I began rejecting those phrases and words, they started to disappear. I didn’t do it because I thought he was lying; it was quite the opposite. I could see that he believed it by how he looked at me and his tone, which scared me. How could that be true? How could the person I’m falling in love with truly believe that I was beautiful or looked fit? I found myself wondering if he thought I looked good that day or if he liked my hair up. Unfortunately, he wasn’t really telling me anymore because of how I reacted to the kind words in the past. I decided to talk to him about it and discovered that he hated it when I did that. I made a promise with myself that I would at least say, “Thank you,” whenever he would express how he felt towards me.
As I kept my promise, some amazing things happened. For starters, Sappy began saying more and more of those things and was always telling me how good he thought I looked, how beautiful I was, or that he liked my hair. He came up with more things to compliment me on and used more detail instead of a blanket phrase like, “You look good today.” It opened a door for him to show me how much he thought of me and loved me.
Another thing that happened was I actually grew to believe it and see it myself. Since I was about thirteen years old, I have struggled with how I feel towards my body. I grew up thinking it was never enough and didn’t like myself too much. I thought if I kept gaining weight, no one would love me or think I looked good. I told myself that if I had acne on my face, I looked ugly and wasn’t worthy of being admired. Sappy showed me that this wasn’t true. I could see it in his eyes that he believed what he said. In the beginning, I couldn’t see what he saw; I thought he was crazy. I started looking in the mirror for what he could notice so easily. Over the course of our relationship, he has proved to me that I AM beautiful, I AM worthy of love and attention, and I AM going to be whatever I let myself believe.
If you continue to turn down the words of affirmation that you are given, you will miss out on this amazing experience. Let yourself accept it, EVEN IF you don’t believe it in the moment. Let yourself believe that they believe it. Let yourself enjoy the little words and phrases that they want to share with you. It will help both of you and make you guys stronger. If you aren’t currently in a relationship, practice with strangers or friends and family now. Make it a habit to always say, “Thank you,” and mean it. It will bless you so much in the future.